


Miles To Go Before I Sleep

by destieluk



Series: The Wrap-Around Porch Verse. [10]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Benny is kinda mad at Dean, Gen, Human Castiel, Pre-Slash, Vampire Benny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:50:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3811132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destieluk/pseuds/destieluk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benny is trying to make his way through the world, keeping his head down and his nose clean. Then he spots a familiar face across a parking lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Miles To Go Before I Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> I was so mad at Dean Winchester when I wrote this. Like, 'I just rewatched Taxi Driver' levels of mad. I also recently read A Winter's Tale by Northern Sparrow and I can't get that poor, lonely version of Castiel out of my head. This is my attempt to exorcise those demons and also set up the rest of the WAP-verse. It's set just after 9x03 and I guess the whole thing diverges from canon at that point.
> 
> Don't be mad at me. I'm talking to you, Ruth.
> 
> As always, thank you to Myr for her red pen and her insight.

Benny has been out of Purgatory for the second time for just a couple of weeks when the sky lights up and fire rains down upon the Earth. At least that's what they’re calling it on the radio. He pulls the camper over on to the hard shoulder of the highway and slips out of the driver seat into the cool night air. Trails of golden light streak across the horizon and as he cranes his neck to track the passage of one of the closest ones, he feels a shiver run down his spine. Whatever is happening, it's nothing good and especially not for a vampire who's looking for a new lease of life away from the supernatural. He digs around in his jacket pocket for the shiny black cellphone that Dean had shoved in there when they'd promised to keep in touch with each other, that first night in Maine. Flipping it open, his finger hovers over the dial button for the only contact listed. Once, there had been two numbers but he'd deleted Elizabeth's after the whole gumbo shack disaster. He'd figured that if he ever got taken down by someone with more gumption than Martin Creaser, then he'd rather not risk Lizzy ever again. Maybe it had been a mistake ever getting close to her at all, but Benny couldn't regret it. Not really. She was family. Without even knowing it, she'd been an anchor, tying him to humanity and he'd always be grateful for that. Like Andrea, she'd given him, was still giving him, a reason to stick around and to stay clean. 

Pulling his thoughts back to the moment, he presses the button marked 'Dean'. 

It rings straight through to voicemail. Dammit, Benny hates talking to these goddamn machines! 

'... You know what to do...' The hunter's voice rumbles through the handset.

'Dean? Brother, it's Benny. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you've seen what's happening. In fact, you're probably in the middle of it and that's why you didn't pick up the phone. But just in case you've been under a rock, I'm just outside Colorado and it’s raining fire from the sky.'

 

\-------------------------------

Dean never does call him back. Benny’s not even surprised. Even though Sam had let him hitch a ride back out of Monsterville, he got the feeling his company was never going to be exactly welcome. He keeps his head down and his nose clean, not that he’s got anything to prove. Living under the radar means that sometimes the news that gets to him is old, but it gets there eventually. He's heard mumblings and mutterings from some of the more shady characters he's come across. He'd been trying to score a cooler full of AB negative from a ghoul who got a job in a hospital when he heard about the angels falling for the first time. It didn't take long to persuade the creature to spill his guts both literally and figuratively and ten minutes later the world was one ghoul down and Benny had a free lunch and a head full of bullshit about the gates of heaven being locked and the Winchesters being at the top of everyone's most wanted list. Again. From then it’s like the world's longest and most fucked up game of Telephone as he tries to find out what the hell is going on, whilst staying on the down low. He debates briefly whether to call Dean again, but figures it's best not to rock the apple cart and honestly, after their last conversation, he's not sure what he can add to anything the Winchesters are mixed up in.

It's around 600 miles later when he pulls into a Gas n Sip somewhere in the middle of Idaho. He's been puttering up and down the country, doing odd jobs for a bit of cash, a little fishing, a little hunting and just generally staying the hell out of everyone's way. It's getting late, and although he doesn't need sleep, he's been driving so long that his bones creak when he gets out of the cab to gas up. Stumbling into the brightly lit store, he grabs a couple of bottles of water and a bag of potato chips on his way to the counter. It's not like he needs either, but he's found eating and drinking to be enjoyable experiences. A pretty blonde rings up his purchases for him. He can smell her baby on her, warm and soft, almost powdery and it gives him a sudden pang of loneliness. Flashing a wide smile at 'Nora' he asks about nearby campsites.

'It might be a bit late', she says with a slight frown. 'Most places like you to be set up before sundown. There are a couple of motels in town though'.

'I'm kinda on a budget here, sugar. Even a few square feet of dirt where I'll be out of everyone's way would do?'

Nora squints at him, looking him up and down assessing... something. 

'Look, I'm really not supposed to do this, but you seem... harmless enough. You could pull round and park up behind the store and stay overnight. As long as you're gone by the time Corporate arrive at about 9am. And you'll need to keep it tidy'.

'Sweetheart, you'll never even notice I'm there', Benny winks over his shoulder as he walks back out to move the van.

 

\-----------------------------

Stretched out in the back of the camper, head hanging out of the open door, Benny watches the sun come up. It's still his favourite part of the day, after all this time. Especially since getting out of Purgatory. The sun doesn't rise or set in Purgatory. Darkness rolls in like a cloud and then slinks away like a scolded cat every so often but there's no real night or day. Just an endless grey emptiness. Here there is birdsong, and dew on the grass and the light creeping softly across the land like an errant lover sneaking back into bed.

He ruffles his hand through his hair, and slides out from under his thin blanket. He's just tucking his shirt back into his pants when a tall figure shuffles into view from the other side of the lot. It's a man, dirty, dark haired and obviously down on his luck. He's dressed in jeans with holes in the knees, a battered pair of sneakers and wearing a hoodie that's seen better days. He’s carrying a rucksack with a rolled up sleeping bag tucked under his arm. The man picks his way towards the Gas n Sip, moving stiffly as if he'd been recently injured. Nora comes out to meet him with a lidded paper cup that steams in the cool air and a rolled up paper bag that glistens with grease. As the man takes them from her they exchange a few words, too far away for Benny to eavesdrop, even with vampire hearing. Nora reaches up to smooth the dark hair back from his forehead, and she must ask a question because the man shrugs, then nods slowly and bends to gently kiss her on the cheek. She steps back, pats the man’s arm and then turns to head back into the shop. The dark haired man sags a little as he watches her leave, before pulling himself straight. There's something familiar about the way he's standing and it makes Benny's neck itch. It reminds him of a stream, of Purgatory, of Dean rushing towards a dark figure and then the man turns so that Benny can see him in profile and...

'Castiel? Castiel is that you?' 

Blue eyes widen in shock and a stubbled jaw drops open.

'Castiel, what are you doing here? Where's Dean? What the hell happened to you, hot wings?' Benny stalks towards him. 

Castiel's fingers tighten around the twist of the paper bag until his knuckles turn white. He drags in a deep breath.

'Dean... He's not. He's not here. I don't know where he is. It's just me. Why are you here, Benny?'

'I'm just passing through. Got wind of a job a few miles up the road. In a diner. Man, I hardly recognise you! When did you get back from…?' 

Benny is aware he's babbling but he's just so shocked. Last time he saw Castiel was just before he'd hitched a ride out of hell adjacent. When he'd seen Dean next his eyes had been drawn to the empty space next to him, but when he'd mentioned Cas' name Dean had zipped up tighter than a clam. He'd not mentioned it again and, to be honest, the whole 'I need you to sacrifice yourself for my brother who hates you' thing had sapped away the desire for casual conversation. 

There's something not quite right here and Benny can smell it. Literally. He's standing in front of an angel who reeks of sweat, and grease and who has dirty fingernails and a streak of mud on his neck. He's as grimy as he was in Purgatory, but there's none of the power that Benny could feel when he stood next to Cas before. Cas _resonated_ when he was in Purgatory. Benny should know as he had to fight off damn near every monster in the place, drawn as they were to Castiel's presence. But there's no hum of energy here. Cas has dark circles under his eyes, and he's holding himself tightly as if he'd fall to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut, if he were to relax for a moment. 

The door to the Gas n Sip opens again and Nora steps back out. 

'Is everything ok, Steve?' she asks, a hard edge to her voice. 'Is this guy giving you trouble?'

'Nora, my apologies.' Cas turns to her and places his hand on her arm. 'There's no trouble, it's ok. We know each other. He just... It took me by surprise, is all. It's ok.'

Nora leans towards Cas and lowers her voice. Benny looks at the ground as he really tries not to listen to her whispers.

'Is this the guy that dumped you? The one that kicked you out? 

'No, it's nothing like that. We're not... We never... We used to fight together. Before. He knew... knows Dean. He was as surprised to see me as I him. Look, we'll go now. I'm sorry for the trouble'.

'Steve!' Nora's voice is harsh, but she pulls him towards her gently. 'Corporate are going to be here in five minutes. Tell your friend he's got to move his van and then you'd better get going too. But I'm warning you, and your friend, if you're not here at the usual time tomorrow I'll be calling the cops and giving them his registration, so you'd better be here'. She glares at Benny over Cas' shoulder before disappearing back into the Gas n Sip.

'I should go', Cas mumbles over his shoulder as he walks away still clutching his bag of food. 

‘Hey! Wait up!’ Benny reaches out a hand towards him. Cas stops, his back still turned towards the vampire, shoulders moving minutely. ‘Look, angel, I don’t know what the hell is going on but you look as if a stiff breeze would knock you down. Come and sit in the van with me and eat your food. Maybe I can give you a lift somewhere and you can fill me in on what’s happening’.

Cas’ shoulders slump and he nods once, almost to himself before turning. Benny hustles him into the passenger seat before shoving all his things into the back of the van and slamming the doors. As he eases himself in to the driver seat, Cas is sitting quietly, hands still folded around the package and cup from Nora, which are resting in his lap.

There’s a thick tension in the air as he pulls out of the parking lot, easing the van back onto the highway and it doesn’t get any better as he drives in silence. Cas sits stiffly, eyes fixed firmly ahead. After a few minutes he seems to shake himself out of whatever funk he was in.

‘I’m not an angel’, he says and his voice is as quiet as Benny has ever heard it.

‘What?’, he manages to choke out. Whatever he was expecting Cas to say, that wasn’t it.

‘You called me angel, back there. I’m not an angel, not any more. I Fell. That’s what the hell happened to me’.

‘Those lights in the sky…?’

‘Angels falling, yes. I was one of them. My brothers and sisters fell from Heaven, and it was all my fault and I can’t… I can’t...’ Cas drags a deep, shuddering breath and scrubs at his eyes. Benny looks away, uncomfortable. Sniffing, Cas wipes his nose on his sleeve and then visibly pulls himself together. 

‘I also lost my grace. So I’m human now. Hopeless and hapless and worthless and useless. I can’t even feed myself properly. Angels are after me… as well as other things… I’ve been running and hiding, sometimes relying on the kindness of strangers, and that hasn’t always worked out so well…’ 

‘But you got yourself a girl? She seems a sweet little thing. Kinda fierce too, ’ Benny raises an eyebrow and waves at the bag on Cas’ lap.

‘What? No. Nora is... She’s special. I came into the store a few times to get a cup of coffee. Sometimes people give you money, and it’s the cheapest cup of coffee for a couple of miles. I helped her with some boxes. I had nowhere to go and so she let me sit inside for a while it was raining. She tries to look out for me. She saves me a burrito every day from the out of date stock and she buys me coffee with her managers allowance. She… I think she’s my friend. I needed a friend, Benny, and I think she’s the nearest thing I have.’

Benny feels his chest tighten as he watches a tear track its way down Cas’ cheek. He knows what loneliness is. He remembers the bond he had with his nestmates after he was turned. The deep sense of family and connection. And then Andrea, a different type of connection, one that set him free rather wrapping itself around him but no less fulfilling. He recalls those first few decades in Purgatory. The emptiness within matching the emptiness without, making the endless days blur into one trudging, desperate bleakness. But there’s something else. Cas shouldn’t even be here at all. He should be where he always is, with..

‘Dean?’ Benny blurts out the word and maybe Cas hears all the questions hanging in the empty space around it. Where is he? Is he ok? What happened to him? And why aren’t you standing next to him?

‘He’s ok. I mean, he was ok. I saw him a few weeks ago. And then… we parted ways. We haven’t spoken since’.

‘He ditched you?’

‘He asked me to leave’.

‘He ditched you.’

‘No, it wasn’t quite like that. He...’

‘He say why?’

‘No. But I think it was to do with Sam’.

‘Yeah. It always is’.

‘Benny...’

‘Look, hot wings, I ain’t saying I regret a thing I did, but those boys are so wrapped up in each other that they can’t see anyone else. It ain’t healthy. Dean spends months looking for you in monster hell and then leaves you by the side of the road without a pot to piss in? It ain’t right’.

Benny curls his fist around the steering wheel, gripping it tightly. Cas looks at his lap, still fiddling with the lid of the cup, apparently with no reply to Benny’s tirade. The vampire squirms in his seat, trying to calm down. Cas is obviously vulnerable and seeing him cry once was enough.

‘What're your plans now?’, he asks quietly.

Cas lifts one shoulder, still not lifting his eyes from his lap.

‘I’ve been trying to gather my strength, but human bodies heal so slowly and the lack of food isn’t helping. Nora helps where she can but I’m sleeping outside and...’

Benny punches the dash, making Cas jump and spill lukewarm coffee into his lap. The angel cringes and that alone makes Benny want to smash things. He draws in a deep breath, the choice made before the words even form on his tongue.

‘Come with me.’

‘What? Why? And where? Benny, I can’t do anything. I can’t help you, can’t protect you from other vampires. I’m useless now, I have no powers. I can barely look after myself… I’m not looking after myself. Look at the state of me. Why would you even want...’

‘That ain’t why I’m asking’.

‘Then why?’

‘Because I know what it’s like to have to start again, ok!? I know what it feels like when your life is pulled away from you and there’s nothing left, and everything is new and strange. And I know what it’s like to be completely alone. Look, angel, I’m just sayin' that the shotgun seat is available. My job is only a couple towns over. Two is always better'n one. And even if you don’t want it, I’m not ditching you, ok? I stuck around in Purgatory and I’m sticking around now!’ Benny swallows, reining in his frustration. He wants to shake Cas, make him see he’s worth more than his powers, but he’s not angry at the angel.

There’s long silence in the cab. Benny watches Cas’ face out of the corner of his eye. Eventually he sees the corner of Cas’ mouth tick up. It’s not a smile but its a whole lot better than tears. He squints off out of the side window, sipping at his cold coffee. After a few moments, he seems to reach a decision and sighs. 

‘You need to turn the van around’, he says. ‘We’re going the wrong way’.

‘What? Angel, I told you...’

‘I need to speak to Nora. I need to tell her I’m going with you’.


End file.
